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Laws that Santa Breaks Each Year

Laws that Santa Breaks Each Year

1. Criminal Trespassing; typically a misdemeanor.  Generally, up to a year in jail.

2. Breaking an Entry; usually a felony;  A burglary of a dwelling can result in up to 5 years.  More serious if someone is home = home invasion. Under the ‘Castle Doctrine’, we can assume that any trespassers in your home are there to commit a felony, and you can legally use lethal force against them (i.e., shoot Santa).

3. Aviating an Unlicensed Plane (or reindeer sled); violates FAA regulations; could be sued for injunction, and face administrative fines. Probably violates various international treaties as well, as he flies over air space owned by different countries.

4. Sweat shop labor (having elves work 24-7 possibly against their will) Both state and federal implications here. If the elves are minors, the crimes are more serious.  Thirteenth Amendment concerns as well, given slavery issues.  Could result in civil rights charges (criminal or civil), along with penalties, fines, damages and injunctive relief.

5. Cruelty to animals (whipping the reindeers) Animal abuse statutes are typically low level felonies.  Up to 5 years.

6. Sexual Misconduct (kissing your Mom) Does not constitute sexual offense in any state. Could constitute a ‘battery’ unless the kiss was consensual.  Misdemeanor; 60 days in jail; $500 fine.

7. Illegal Surveillance (watching you 24-7); Most states have wiretapping / eavesdropping laws that are minimum third degree felonies; up to 5 years in prison.  $5000 fine. Could be sued civilly for damages and injunctive relief. Federal law also imposes some restrictions, depending on whether a computer was involved, and whether the interception crossed state lines. The FCC could also get involved and impose administrative penalties, fines and cease & desist orders.

 

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